I Am Cannibal
by PissyNovelist
Summary: While Clarice wouldn't usually enjoy herself at a work gathering, she sees an 'old friend'. In this silly songfic, will a relationship flourish between our two favorite people? SILLY, KIND OF CRACK, OUTSIDE CANON. Written for fun, rated to be safe :


**Authors Note; **_**This is going to be a terrible fanfiction XD I don't care if it's off character a tad and silly. It's SUPPOSED to be. Don't complain XD Its just for fun, and I came up with it on the bus when I was listening to this song. I do not own the parties mentioned;**_

_**Clarice Starling/ Hannibal Lecter (or any character associated with the Hannibal series)**_

_**Cannibal – (written and produced) Ke$Ha**_

She saw him as soon as she entered the bar.

Clarice Starling, Special Agent for the FBI, could feel his eyes roaming around her body from across the dark floor. It had been a year since he had escaped the holding cell in Memphis and called her for his supposed final far well. For three hundred and sixty five days, Clarice Starling thought about Doctor Hannibal Lecter for at least thirty seconds of every day. He was always with her… like a bad habit.

She spotted his nose first. The silhouette she could make out through the dark bar ambiance was just enough to clear her suspicion as true. Doctor Hannibal Lecter _was_ back, but as to what reason? Clarice had no clue… but she wondered.

"_I wonder, Doctor… Why have you come back? Is it for me? Did you miss me, Doctor Lecter? How did you even know where I would be tonight? Oh, pfft. What kind of question is that? Of course he'd know. Get it together." _Clarice could only imagine the thought process to risk being caught by coming back. Perhaps she was simply being self-absorbed. Doctor Lecter had better people to see than herself. Then again, she _did _amuse him. As to why? She would never be able to comprehend it.

"_You could always turn him in, Clarice. It's simple," _She looked out into the blurred crowd of people in the dark space ",_ just cuff him. Easy as that, Starling. Cuff him and take him in. He won't hurt you. He had many chances to come back and hurt me. Even now, he could silently kill me in this bar. But he hasn't Clarice… He just won't."_

But Clarice had no intention… no, she had not _wanted_ to turn him in. It _was _karaoke night, and she really needed to get a little more fun out of life… as Doctor Lecter had once told her. She had heard this one song on the radio a few nights ago, and it instantly reminded Clarice of her mental match. She remembered laughing far too hard at the lyrics, seeing the image of the Good Doctor throughout the duration of the song. She took a deep breath, forgetting all others in the room except for Doctor Lecter. She took back a shot of Whiskey… than another… and another. Patting Jack Crawford on the back, she ran up onto the stage. She called something to the DJ that was intelligible to the crowd, and grabbed the pink studded microphone. Scanning across the bar floor, she set her eyes on the Doctor. She parted her suddenly dry and chapped lips, allowing to let her voice pass through them.

_I have a heart I swear I do_

_But just not baby when it comes to you_

_I get so hungry when you say you love me_

_If you know what's good for you_

_I think you're hot, I think you're cool_

_You're the kind of guy I'd stalk at school_

_But now that I'm famous_

_You're up my anus_

_Now I'm gonna eat you fool! _

The Good Doctor's eyebrow raised slowly in amusement. _His_ little Starling had finally come out of her broken and cracked shell to play a new kind of game. He was mesmerized as he watched her dance provocatively upon the stage. He could tell the small amount of alcohol she had that night egged her on, Clarice had always been a sort of lightweight. But as the song went on, the entire room could sense that her own fuel kept her going and not just the alcohol.

_I eat boys up, breakfast and lunch_

_Then when I'm thirsty, I drink their blood_

_Carnivore, animal, I am a Cannibal_

_I eat boys up, you better run_

_I am Cannibal_

_I am Cannibal (I'll eat you up)_

_I am Cannibal_

_I am Cannibal (I'll eat you up)_

Clarice watched her target from the corner of her eye, not enjoying any glare of any other man in the room. It was at that point that something within her snapped. As if the once sane girl she put on for the entire world had died violently, and everyone was happy about it. This day was waiting to come ever since she met Doctor Lecter, and Clarice knew it. The day when she would finally snap, and accept what was written for her in the stars. But fate, destiny, and love were the last topics on Clarice's mind as she owned the bar stage.

_Whenever you tell me I'm pretty_

_That's when the hunger really hits me_

_You're little heart goes pitter patter_

_I want your liver on a platter_

_Use your finger to stir my tea_

_And for dessert I'll suck your teeth_

_Be too sweet and you'll be a goner_

_Yup, I'll pull a Jeffrey Dahmer_

"_My, my, Starling… this is quite the show."_ Doctor Lecter smirked, sliding this image of Clarice into his Memory Palace for him to revisit whenever he needed cheering up. He slid off to the side stage slowly but surely.

Clarice smirked, letting go of herself as she performed. Who was she to care about what anyone else in the room though of her? _He_ seemed to be enjoying it, so why stop her little game? She watched him watch her from his spot next to the exit. With a glance, they had a conversation that contained a million words. He nodded, backing out of the exit door silently. He had no worry of anyone seeing him, for their eyes were all fixed on his lovely Starling. His heart broke, knowing he wouldn't be in the room to see her big finish.

"_What a shame, Clarice…" _He thought to himself, shaking his head as he located her car.

_I eat boys up, breakfast and lunch_

_Then when I'm thirsty, I drink their blood_

_Carnivore, animal, I am a Cannibal_

_I eat boys up, you better run_

_I am Cannibal_

_I am Cannibal (I'll eat you up)_

_I am Cannibal_

_I am Cannibal (I'll eat you up)_

_I love you_

A fake giggle escaped her lips after this line, wondering how the Doctor would have reacted if he heard her sing this to him.

_I warned you_

_ROAR_

The entire bar filled with applause from the drunken men, and the fun loving women. She ran to her friends that she had arrived with, telling them that she was going to get going. Jack patted her shoulder softly, congratulating her on her performance. The rest of the group waved her off as Clarice walked out the front door. Even with the little amount of alcohol in her system wearing off by the second, Clarice had no intention of driving tonight. She ran to her car, sliding in the passenger side. Doctor Lecter was already in the driver's seat, so she put her keys into his large hand.

"Doctor Lecter… it's been a long time." Clarice held a longing gaze with her match. The same old eyes, and all new stories. Clarice was happy that they hadn't lost their trademark sparkle.

"Far too long, Clarice. So… I apologize," he began to state as he started up the car ", for the way we left off, Clarice. It was very rude… I am very sorry."

"It was very rude! You never go and hang up on a lady. Especially… after that lil' stunt you pulled when you grazed my finger." Clarice felt her accent flow past her lips as she began to relax. She watched the older man smile at that little hint. She would defiantly have to watch her speech throughout the rest of the night.

"Once again, I apologize Clarice. I simply got the… _vibe_ that you wanted that type of physical contact form me. My mistake, Miss Starling. One-hundred percent out of line. I'll be sure to keep five feet away from you at all times, and six if that isn't good enough for you."

"Well- HEY! Now don't you go off and start that little mental terrorism thing you absolutely _love_ to do to me. Don't twist me words, either! I'm saying it was a stunt, not that I didn't like said stunt, Doctor Lecter."

The pair sat in silence as the Good Doctor, to no surprise of Clarice, navigated to her house with ease.

"I'm far too comfortable with this than I should be." Clarice looked down at her hands, stating the obvious.

"Oh? With what, Clarice?" He used the mocking tone he so often used. He could feel the death glare he received from the girl in the seat next to him. He twisted his hand, motioning her to go on.

"You… being in my car… and driving to my house without any sort of direction from me. You watching me glorify the very illegal act of cannibalism through something that was one piece of clothing away from a cheap strip tease."

"Clarice, you should be… Okay, you probably shouldn't be okay with the glorifying of cannibalism. My dear Clarice, that just so happens to be _my_ job. Also, it wouldn't have been a cheap strip tease. I'm sure you would be very expensive on that market, being a young and pretty woman." A smile played upon his usually stone cold features.

"I… should I be insulted?"

"Of course not, Clarice. You know I mean nothing true by that statement."

"You know, I could arrest you right now. All I need is to cuff you, and hold my gun to your head. That's all."

"Then what are you waiting for, Clarice?" The man pulled into her driveway, holding out his wrists to her. She did nothing but glare at him from her downward gaze.

"I don't want to take you in. For the past year, all I've wanted was to be the arresting officer of the infamous Doctor Hannibal Lecter. Yet… as soon as I saw you tonight? I'm suddenly disgusted by that idea." Clarice got out of her car and slammed the door. The Doctor wiped the wheel clean, getting out carefully. He followed closely behind Clarice, listening to her grunt and sigh.

"There is something seriously wrong with me, Doctor Lecter." Clarice gritted her teeth, opening her front door and ushering the escaped man inside. She leaned against the back of her door, crossing her arms over her chest. Clarice watched Doctor Lecter search for the correct words.

"Please Clarice, just Hannibal. We're far too deep in our relationship to be going by such formalities… and there is nothing wrong with you, Clarice. Moving on… my mother always told me to be polite, as well as romantic, while with a female that is of my interest. I hope you're not extremely turned off by what I'm about to say."

"Go, Doc… Hannibal." Clarice smiled, giggling at her own mess up.

"I have been feeling seriously ill as well. The past year has been… strenuous. I have thought nothing but of you every month, every week, and every day. I beg I do not ruin this moment by asking you this… Clarice Starling, may I kiss you?"

Clarice took a deep breathe, taking Hannibal's hands. She leaned in slowly, touching her own lips to his as an experiment. Fireworks and fire flew across the sky of her mind. The room dedicated to Clarice Starling in Hannibal's Memory Palace shook. They gripped at each other's backs, hoping to find some sort of strength to keep standing. Hannibal held Clarice's face within his hands, pulling away to get a breath of air.

"That totally ruined the moment." Clarice gasped, kissing _her_ man once more.

**I really hope you liked this :)**

**Xoxo PN**


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